I actually don't mind the bagpipes but I seriously can only handle so much......

• Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
  A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.
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• Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
  A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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• Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
  A. To get away from the bagpipe recital.
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• Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards?
  A. So they can park in handicapped zones.
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• Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
  A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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• Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes?
  A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]
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• Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain?
  A. Gifted.
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• Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
  A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
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• Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
  A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
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• Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
  A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
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• Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
  A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
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• Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
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  A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
  
• Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
  A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
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• Q. If you drop a bagpipe and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit the ground first?
  A. Who cares?
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• Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
  A. Moving targets are harder to hit.